I’ve Been Poisoned.


Hello you,

Thanks for being so patient with me as I upended my entire life. Quick recap: I got remarried last year and am the proud bonus mommy to two extra daughters, bringing my total to 4. My husband and I refer to them as The Blondetourage. They are so close in age that they will all someday be in high school at the same time. Please start praying for us now.


I’m honored that you’re checking back in with me after all this time. I have journals filled with topics I’ve wanted to talk about with you. Whenever I’ve thought about sitting down to write to you, my brain swirls with words that evoke very deep emotions within me and I get caught in a rip tide of memories that can never fully reach the surface; words like divorce, one-bedroom apartment, going back to work, making ends meet, child support, coparenting, betrayal, lawyers, courtrooms, humility, disappointment, and abandonment by friends I thought would stand by me through anything. I pride myself on the fact that what I share with you is real, so trying to sugarcoat anything just for the sake of explaining it seems like a boring waste of time for all of us.

But today I feel inspired because I have something important to declare…

Happily, I’ve been poisoned.

With Botox.

These past few months trudging through the trenches of blending a family of 6 during the unprecedented restrictions of life in quarantine, I’ve often lamented, ‘when, oh when will this deadly virus be over so I can safely leave my home to go pay someone an exorbitant amount of money to inject poison directly into my face?’

And today was finally that day. Vain and frivolous? Obviously. A sign of return to normalcy? Also yes.

I’m telling you this because writing makes me really happy. Your feedback makes me feel seen and understood. Your comments make me laugh out loud. I’ve missed you so much. Let’s get back to sharing and laughing. And in the words of one Mr. James Buffett, “If we weren’t all crazy, we’d all go insane.” (Source: Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes)

Expressive and expressionless,



Getaway: Omni Scottsdale at Montelucia

If you follow me on IG (@MrsKansasMommy) you probably know I recently tagged along with my husband last minute on a business trip to Scottsdale.

We got up at 4:30am to make it to the airport. Safely on board, we pulled away from the gate, only to have the captain come out (he had a Mike Ditka mustache and was wearing a huge wedding band full of diamonds, which I found noteworthy) to tell us that the plane is “broken” so we are going back, deplaning, and getting on another plane. However, the delivery was infused with a lot of jokes and was unnecessarily lengthy. You could tell that in his head he was like, “pause for laughter…these people are loving me!” Ugh.


Finally in the air on the way to Phoenix, Kevin worked  while I drank 2 bloody Mary’s and had pleasant xanax-laced dreams for three hours while I listened to the Hamilton soundtrack. (OBSESSED!!!)

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A Thought on Marriage

I think one really fun and also super annoying thing about being married to someone is that you are permanent roommates.

Examples of times being roommates is fun:

  • Impromptu dance parties when Nelly comes on Pandora.
  • Drinking and watching Netflix and not having to drive home.
  • When you have an itch right in the middle of your back and you can’t reach it yourself.
  • Throwing food in the air so the other one can try to catch it in their mouth.
  • Having someone around who understands any minor feelings of hostility you may have toward your children. My favorite account of this was when Avery was being a brat to me at dinnertime and I was trying to keep my cool. Kevin grabbed a bag of broccoli and dramatically pretended to hit her over the head with it behind her back, all while she was still rattling off her snotty demands, completely unaware. Now that is the kind of parenting move that builds camaraderie.

Examples of times being roommates is super annoying:

  • Laundry.
  • Snoring.
  • Constant scolding for not parking far enough over on your side of the garage. How much precision is really required here? What am I, an astronaut?

This morning I woke up early and was looking through my phone, as I often do when I can’t decide if I can go back to sleep or not. Out of nowhere, Kevin said to me in an alarmingly accusatory tone, “You did it again.”  I felt busted. Yet I knew not for what. Me: “Um, what?” Without missing a beat he said, “YOU BERATED THAT F*CKER ON THE RADIO!”

This is the kind of thing that I categorize in the SUPER fun part of being married to your roommate. I live for the times when he talks in his sleep because I find it so thrilling. I carry on the conversation as long as possible with the delicateness of a bomb defuser so as not to wake him, gleaning as much information from his subconscious as I can.

Although it’s not always fun. Once, when Avery was a newborn and still sleeping in a cosleeper in our bed, I made Kevin go to the guest room so one of us would actually get some rest after what had already been a long night of feedings and diaper changes. I woke up shortly thereafter to Kevin standing over me, cradling a pillow and mumbling robotically, “Take the baby…take the baby.” A chill of panic shot through me as I pictured our newborn baby decoratively arranged on the guest bed where the pillow had been. To this day, I’m not sure if this was the act of an exhausted, sleep-walking new father or the scam of an evil genius, but he was never in charge of getting up during the night ever again. Well played, Roomie.

(Avery was still safely in her cosleeper in case you were wondering. And if you weren’t wondering, what is wrong with you?)

From our honeymoon in Maui 2009: Roomiez 4 Lyfe.


5 Years (and 5 Advice Pearls on Choosing a Husband)

If my  marriage were a movie, it would be a romantic comedy. The way I envision it, Willie Geist would make his big screen debut as Kevin Kuhlman, the boyish and charming, yet dedicated and accomplished young law partner. Naturally I would be played by Heidi Klum with Sandra Bullock’s voice dubbed in. Or maybe a blonde Sofia Vergara with Julia Roberts’ voice dubbed in. My parents would be played by Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges while the role of my quirky-hopeless-romantic-yet-perpetually-single best friend would be played by Britney Spears, as herself. Critics will call it “a love story with a form as old as the movies and dialogue as new as this month’s issue of Vanity Fair.” (Coincidentally this is exactly what Roger Ebert said about “When Harry Met Sally…”)

 You can never be sure what plot twists are ahead, but so far Kevin and I can still make each other laugh really hard, so I’d say we’re off to a good start.

To my unmarried readers out there, in honor of my five years of wedded bliss, I have 5 pearls of advice for you when it comes to choosing a husband:

1. Choose someone who will work full-time AND do his own laundry. I feel like this should be the first conversation in pre-marital counseling. Full disclothesure, (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist) this one almost took us down. I always thought I would be a perfect-souflee-making-laundry-folding-apron-wearing trophy wife and it turns out I’m more of a do-the-bare-minimum-and-hire-out-as-much-as-possible trophy wife.

2. Choose someone who is nicer than you. At first, you may find it annoying but in time it will rub off on you. Also, other people will think you are nicer by association.

3. Choose someone who generally accepts and supports you but encourages you to have your sh*t together. He should be willing to go get you ice cream so you can sit on the couch in your ugly clothes and eat straight from the pint, but he should also be willing to man up and confiscate that pint when you start frantically shoveling it in your mouth and yelling “I’m spiraling out of control!”

4. Choose a man with a nice balance of pretty facial features, like dimples or long eyelashes. This way you won’t mind as much if you give birth to a baby girl clone-version of him. (It happens more than you might think.)

5. Last but not least, choose a guy who’s fun at weddings. If your husband gets embarrassed by the way you conduct yourself around an open bar and a dance floor, he’s not the man for you. As they say, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.


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Married Life: The Perks of Marrying A Renaissance Man

The Perks of Marrying a Renaissance Man


Renaissance man: noun: A person who has broad intellectual interests and is expert in several areas. (Merriam-Webster)



A few reasons I love my husband:


1. He is equally proud of the fact that he played King Charlemagne in his high school’s production of Pippin as he is that he played for the Truman State University Rugby Club when they were ranked 7th in the nation.


2. He loves ridiculously expensive scotch and Bud Light (not together.)


3. He’s read all the classics but regularly quotes Jim Gaffigan.


4. He has run a marathon (I can’t relate) but sometimes goes for months or years without feeling like going for a jog (I can totally relate) and he is a fantastic chef/grillmaster. 


5. He’s the most frugal person I know, yet still makes a point to spoil me and Avery.


Which brings me to date night. Actually it was kind of a date day.


Avery’s Godparents (Marisa and Charlie who are getting married next weekend!) wanted to take her on a special date for her birthday so they came and picked her up to take her to lunch and the park. One thing that we used to do when we were dating was go to the driving range together, but we haven’t done that in years since it’s not the sort of thing you hire a sitter for. On a whim, we decided to go and had the best time! I was pretty rusty but it made me realize how much I enjoy being outside on the course and that feeling of triumph you get when you finally crush the ball after a series of ego-bruising bad swings.


Totally blending in with the guys

Saturday evening we went to the KC Symphony. I had never been before and Kevin happened upon some tickets so we decided to take my parents along with us.

The Symphony is held at the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts which opened in September 2011. I was supposed to go to the ballet there with my mom the first year it opened, but I was too sick to go so this was my first time. It was beautiful!

 My husband knows a lot more about classical music than I do, but we both really enjoyed the performance. I was so happy to have a little time out with my guy and do something fun and different. I can’t wait to do date night at the Kauffman Center again!

My renaissance man