You know what? I think it’s weird. I think it’s weird when people pretend like a marriage never happened. I think it’s weird when they delete all digital evidence as if that will delete the truth of what once was their life.
I select meaningful gifts for my ex-husband and post about him on Father’s Day, because he is 50% of the best things that I ever made. Nothing, not even time, can change that.
So go to my Instagram. Go to my Facebook. Take a look at the life that we had. It was good in many ways. And what is social media for, if not to highlight the good times. No matter what *some* people think about “social media protocol,” I will not pretend like my life didn’t happen — like my children’s lives didn’t happen.
I’m happily remarried now, and in our childrens’ rooms I’ve lovingly placed pictures of their original families. Because, as we say in our house, step/bonus/whatever-you-call-it parents are just extra love. It doesn’t take away from the fact that you had an original family. Love is never lost. I have a close friend who’s with her mother in the hospital today. An estranged mother who left her early in life, but she still felt a call to go to her. And I don’t know who else needs to hear this, but your mom is always your mom, no matter what. You will always have love for her. There is no shame in compassion, as there is no shame in boundaries. As people, it is our job NOT to define each other by the worst of our decisions. I am not a perfect mom. No no one is. (Except for my mom, but don’t tell her I said that.)
My mother once told me that babies bring all the love they need into the world with them, they don’t take any love away from anyone. I believe this is true of blended families. Nothing is taken, only gained. And that’s all I have to say today. I hope you think about it too.