Actual Things: More Sh*t My Kids Say

Today I had to take Savvy(3) to the doctor with me to get my blood drawn. She watched curiously and asked lots of questions of the nurse. As we were walking to the car:

Savvy: “Mommy, is that nurse going to keep your blood?”

Me: “No, she’ll send it to a lab.”

Savvy *knowingly*: “Oh. Which one?”

Me: “…I have no idea…”

Savvy: “George?”

*This is George: the lab. He is NOT a licensed medical professional. Please do not let him convince you otherwise.

George

__
*Me getting Avery(5) dressed in her school uniform while she is in bed refusing to get up*
Avery: “This is undignified.”

-later that day-
*Savvy lying on the couch, home from school because she had a fever yesterday. We are watching cartoons in silence*
Savvy (in the most pitiful voice you can imagine): “Momma… I just can’t even eat Mango Shrimp. Because I’m just too sick.”

I’ve literally never even heard of mango shrimp, let alone offered it to her today.

__

*Riding in the car*
Avery: “Will you please turn off the child lock so I can roll down my window?”
Me: “Sure.”
*she rolls down her window at an intersection next to a lumber truck.*
Avery: “Mm, smells like wood and victory.”

__

Savvy: “I need a blankie.”
Avery: “Say no more.” *gets blanket and begins putting it on her little sister.*
Savvy: “No more.”
Avery *pausing*: “No. I said say no more.”
Savvy: “No more!”
Avery: ugh
Savvy: “…Sorry?”

 

__

Avery: My teacher says you need to feed me more for breakfast.

Me: Excuse me?

Avery: Yeah I told her I only got two apple slices this morning and she said that’s not enough.

Me: What?? Did you also tell her you refused to get up for school in time to eat the oatmeal I made you?

Avery: No.

Me: Yeah, please don’t tell your school we don’t feed you. They’re going to think I’m a bad mommy!

– two days later –

Me: You better hurry up and eat all of that waffle. I don’t want your teachers talking about how I’m STARVING you to death.

Avery: Mom I said that like A HUNDRED YEARS AGO!

Me: IT WAS TUESDAY!

Avery: UGH.

 

 

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