Christmas Eve-Eve

Today I scared the hell out of my children when I screamed “OH MY GOD!” in horror while getting Savvy out of her car seat because I briefly thought she had passed out foaming at the mouth. I quickly realized that she had just fallen asleep eating a powdered donut I’d given her on the way to the grocery store. I don’t even want to imagine how I looked from their perspective. I think Savvy’s first sentence might be something along the lines of “Pipe down, you idiot, you’re embarrassing yourself again.”

Once we were inside, the grocery store was bustling with holiday cheer. Conversation topics I overheard included a “last-minute gift” for a dog, as if gifts for dogs normally require weeks or months of planning. Although there is nothing more awkward than when you go over to someone’s house and their dog hands you a scented candle and you’re just standing there with a bottle of human wine for the hostess and no toilet water for him.

Other topics overheard included someone’s “bitch-of-a-wife” Janet, apparently you KNOW she’s going to be there. I can only assume with her bitchy materialistic dog and his long list of demands from Santa.

Also someone pooped in the bathtub. Probably a child but she was unclear. It could have been a spurned, gift-less dog.

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