5 Years (and 5 Advice Pearls on Choosing a Husband)

If my  marriage were a movie, it would be a romantic comedy. The way I envision it, Willie Geist would make his big screen debut as Kevin Kuhlman, the boyish and charming, yet dedicated and accomplished young law partner. Naturally I would be played by Heidi Klum with Sandra Bullock’s voice dubbed in. Or maybe a blonde Sofia Vergara with Julia Roberts’ voice dubbed in. My parents would be played by Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges while the role of my quirky-hopeless-romantic-yet-perpetually-single best friend would be played by Britney Spears, as herself. Critics will call it “a love story with a form as old as the movies and dialogue as new as this month’s issue of Vanity Fair.” (Coincidentally this is exactly what Roger Ebert said about “When Harry Met Sally…”)

 You can never be sure what plot twists are ahead, but so far Kevin and I can still make each other laugh really hard, so I’d say we’re off to a good start.

To my unmarried readers out there, in honor of my five years of wedded bliss, I have 5 pearls of advice for you when it comes to choosing a husband:

1. Choose someone who will work full-time AND do his own laundry. I feel like this should be the first conversation in pre-marital counseling. Full disclothesure, (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist) this one almost took us down. I always thought I would be a perfect-souflee-making-laundry-folding-apron-wearing trophy wife and it turns out I’m more of a do-the-bare-minimum-and-hire-out-as-much-as-possible trophy wife.

2. Choose someone who is nicer than you. At first, you may find it annoying but in time it will rub off on you. Also, other people will think you are nicer by association.

3. Choose someone who generally accepts and supports you but encourages you to have your sh*t together. He should be willing to go get you ice cream so you can sit on the couch in your ugly clothes and eat straight from the pint, but he should also be willing to man up and confiscate that pint when you start frantically shoveling it in your mouth and yelling “I’m spiraling out of control!”

4. Choose a man with a nice balance of pretty facial features, like dimples or long eyelashes. This way you won’t mind as much if you give birth to a baby girl clone-version of him. (It happens more than you might think.)

5. Last but not least, choose a guy who’s fun at weddings. If your husband gets embarrassed by the way you conduct yourself around an open bar and a dance floor, he’s not the man for you. As they say, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.


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4 thoughts on “5 Years (and 5 Advice Pearls on Choosing a Husband)

  1. Cute post! I agree with all 5 of your points. Ben is definitely better at housekeeping than me, huge plus! And he’s super nice, which I did find a little annoying at first but of course is great now. And he has longer eyelashes than me, so that bodes well for our future kids. He does suck at dancing though, but I can usually drag him out on the dance floor at weddings. Happy anniversary to you and Kevin!

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